aarrggh!

i just spent 60 blissful minutes watching linus wait patiently for the great pumpkin. charlie brown just happened to say exactly what i'm feeling...

by the way...

i'm canvassing my computers for pictures and my brain for ideas...give me a break people! creative genius takes time you know. meanwhile, the computer screen just keeps staring back at me with its blank, icy stare. mocking me with each new post that someone else puts up while i sit and listen to the musical stylings of super why. the joys of precious motherhood.

unibra

i had to document that this was the word i just had to type in order to comment on someone's blog post. i mean seriously. wow.

have a little faith in me

i'm not gonna lie, my favorite movie for a long time was look who's talking now with kirstie alley and john travolta and yes, a couple of talking dogs. it made me happy because it is set during christmastime and for some crazy reason, i memorized and watched it circa 1000 times a year for a while there. i still love it, but i'll admit that i've abandoned it for such blockbusters as thomas and friends (thanks to you heidi) and curious george. the reason i'm telling you all this little tidbit of somewhat embarrasing information is because i was reminded of not only my long lost favorite happy movie, but also of my all-time favorite song last night while watching something entirely different.
everytime someone has asked me what my favorite song is, i've always gone with something from the synthesizer-infused 80's...usually if you leave from pretty in pink. as i sat in the theater at the close of love happens, however, i was reminded of the fact that, even though i haven't realized it, this song actually spins my world:

in an age where songs are full of references to booty calls and cell phones and are comprised of lyrics including, "right now, he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp and she's probably getting frisky..." and, "super fresh, now watch me jock, jockin on them haterz man," this song is literally a breath of fresh air. not only are the lyrics beautiful, but they actually mean something. i love the selflessness of the song and the fact that its about lifting someone else and living for them, which is a nice change from the me-focus generation that i have found myself living among...amongst...you get the idea. its a great song that makes me want to be great.

no, your eyes don't deceive you...

those really are pictures you see. somehow, luke turned 3 today and we've had a party with a cake that made it to the table completely intact. i'm really not sure how it happened. in fact, if someone could let me know how he miraculously turned from a sleeping, gurgling, toe-sucking tiny baby to the cars-obsessed giant he is today, i'd greatly appreciate it. its amazing how much faster time really does fly as you get older. it seems like just yesterday that i walked in to find him eating a whole package of graham crackers (see picture on the right side of your screen), or when he learned how to walk by pushing a hot pink stroller around my sister-in law's house. he really is pretty darn cool and even though potty training officially sucks and he sometimes (often) makes me question why i bore him in the first place...i love the little boy/big brother that he has become. happy birthday little buddy. here's to you and your love of string cheese and flashlights. you really do make life a little more colorful...you and nbc (their new slogan for those of you non tv-watchers).

"un"planned parenthood

i keep putting off writing something because i really don't have any pictures and the guilt just seems to throw my mind into something else. since october has reared its oh so beautiful head, however, i've decided that i need to see its name written at the top of a post. i've promised myself and many of you, i'm sure, that i would never discuss potty training or anything of its nature in this blog, but for the sake of this entry, we need to just skim the surface.

last saturday, i decided it was time to buckle down and get that kid out of diapers. so, i woke up, took off his pants (left mine on) and began the every 5 minute trip to the bathroom, follwed by the token skittle routine. things were going pretty smoothly until about 10 minutes after i began. lets just say, i'm pretty sure i didn't get my necessary 8 hours of sleep (who does anyway?), i was cranky for who knows what other reason, and luke just wasn't really into going the distance. its all pretty much a fuzzy blur now, but i'm pretty sure i began to be frustrated, he began to scream, there were several trips to timeout, several more fits of screaming and crying by both parties, an explosion of baby powder in the kids' room...all culminating in one almost 3 year old being placed ever so lovingly (while fuming under the surface) in his unmade bed (due to the aforementioned explosion of baby powder) and a blotchy, red-eyed, shell of a mother exiting the room and narrowly avoiding abandoning the family thanks to the food network and a previously stashed reese's peant butter cup. after the two of us had a nice, healthy break from each other and the water closet, luke and i enjoyed an evening of corn dogs, surf's up (shia lebouf just has a way about him even in penguin form), blackberry picking (him eating, me picking), and brainwashing...we both needed to remember each other the next day in a different light....which brings me to my title. have you ever wondered why the program is called "planned parenthood" when the reason why girls go there is because they definitly were not planning on parenthood happening?

i definitly had one of those days where being a parent, good or not, was just not in the cards. we can always have the best intentions, the best "plans," only to get to the end of a 12, or in luke's case, 15 hour day and wonder if your child will ever recover from the disaster you put him through. the truth is, that they will and you will and 30 years down the road, you'll only wish you could have a glimpse of that sweet, little, innocent boy that had once forced you to question your sanity thanks to a day of endless wet lightening mcqueen underoos.

in my next 30 years...

for those of you that listen to the wonder that is country music, you will recognize this title as a plagerized version of a tim mcgraw song. i've once again been racking my brain to figure out something to write and on this, the day following the 30th anniversary of my birth, i decided i needed to reflect on what i've accomplished and who i've become since that fateful blustery german day back in 1979.
as i've stated before, my self-esteem has not always been up to par. i went through several years with the idea that number of "best friends" you have or how many birthday wishes you receive is proof of your worth as a person. even this blog, the one that was meant to merely be a hobby that could give me a small respite from the post-partum depression that took up most of my time after my first was born, turned into an obsession over how many comments i could receive. the more there were, the more people liked me...wah wah wah...anyway, this has all been said before. what i'm trying to say now is that i'm in the middle of turning over a new leaf. this "leaf" isn't turning over as quickly as i'd like or as quickly as you might think a leaf might turn.
the logical side of me is in a constant battle with the emotional, irrational one. the argument goes something like this,

logic: "it doesn't matter what other people think. your family loves you, everyone is healthy.
god created you the way you are for a reason and you have changed peoples' lives for
the better..."
emotion: "(mischevious laughter)...whatever, you suck, and so does all that crap you just said. "

good times, right? not so much, which is why i've decided that its about time for the logical side to win out once and for all. i know far too much about why i'm here and where i'm going to get sidetracked by an overactive case of pms.
another casualty of my previous life has been the serious lack of pictures, both in this blog and in real life. both problems will be remedied in the 30 years that lie in front of me. in fact, i do have some recent photos to post soon, including a little gem that involves me holding a bouquet of roses sent so lovingly by my husband while he was away on my birthday. thanks to all of you for your influence on my life and for reading this, my first attempt at writing.

a sad, sad tale

so, i've been out of town for what feels like longer than i actually was. i was able to go to the glorious (i needed an adjective) state of michigan to visit my brother and his family for a week. i also went up to seattle for an impromptu visit (and subsequent sleepover) with some friends as well as a quick trip (and subsquent sleepover) down to the oregon coast to visit some other friends. all together, the trips didn't consist of a lot of days, just a lot of driving and surprise overnighters, which meant not a lot of preparation...anyway, its been quite an august, which one would think would include several pictures documenting each and every exciting change of scenery. yeah, so i either didn't have my camera (surprise, surprise) or it was dead (even more surprise). needless to say, the only picture i came away from all my escaping from the reality i live with day after day is this out of focus, fuzzy, picture OF a picture that luke took of himself at chuck e cheese in lansing, michigan. lets all say it together-"ridiculous." moral of the story-when you finally get to do something fun and exciting, make sure and have a charged camera around your neck or somewhere closer than your car, so that everyone else will believe you and you will be able to remember it 20 years down the road.

for those of you that have glanced over at my attempt at a new blog, don't worry, i know there aren't many of you...yes, i am starting over. i've decided i need to wait until i have a real camera that doesn't require two double-a batteries to live and function. to be continued...

inspiration and the panic thereof

tagline: Do you have what it takes?

i saw the surprisingly hilarious movie, "julie & julia" today and it not so gently forced me to remember/be overwhelmed by the real reason i decided to slip my foot into the overcrowded pool known as the blogging world or "blogosphere" for those who speak internet. its no surprise to those that really know me that i have a few, shall we say, issues...alright, they're downright complexes if i'm being honest (which i am, by the way). my self-esteem is definitly not where it should be as i stand on the cliff overlooking the crevace of my 30's. self-doubt and fear of failure have been my unwelcome companions since i turned 15 and my body decided to go from stick figure to queen latifah over a not so forgettable summer spent in a trailer in my aunt's backyard. too much information? moving on...lets just say, i've always felt like a needed i talent that could be outwardly weighed against other peoples' talents instead of just "being a good friend" as my mom used to tell me in order to make me feel better. it never really worked. i needed to be a volleyball star like the rest of my athletic, taller friends. i needed to be a better singer, like the ones that actually got the leading roles in the musicals that i watched from backstage. i wanted to be a dancer, a gymnast, an actor that actually got to be on stage for more than 5 minutes at a time as a townsperson...blah blah blah...you understand. the point in all this is that i think i've discovered a talent, but i'm too afraid to do anything about it. i think i'm a writer and that's why i started the blog.
after giving birth to luke, i struggled a little bit with the post-partum blues as they are so interestingly called. i was pretty depressed. i didn't leave my house and i didn't spend a lot of my free-time doing much other than sleeping and berating myself for not doing anything with said free-time. i'm not looking for any sympathy here or anything, just giving some backstory. i finally decided that i just was not going to scrapbook. its not me. i'm not organized or really creative...i've come to grips with it. i tried knitting with the little contraption from joanne's that a 3 year old can function. that lasted for a month or so. i had heard of blogging and had already decided that no one would want to read an online journal. why would people care if luke threw up that day or if i actually ran an errand or cooked a meal? then again, writing was the one skill that i knew i had even if it was buried somewhere deep inside, so i went ahead and began with the full intent of not sounding like the lame housewife that i felt like, but more the funny writer that i knew was brimming under the surface. upon returning home from the movie (a couple days ago now) i realized that my blog has started to become exactly what i didn't intend. i've moved from witty daily banter meant to spawn an idea for a book to travel log that is definitly not updated as much as i'd like.
all that being said, i have a new goal, which, in turn scares the heck out of me. i need to move forward, full speed ahead, without letting the outcome overwhelm me before i get there. how is it you eat an elephant again?

by the end of this, my 30th year, wow, that's crazy...i need to have a specific direction for this blog or the beginning of a children's book down on paper. whew, i guess that's it then. i will find out of i really have what it takes without being too scared to even start. good luck to me...i think i'm gonna need it.

a new blog and the beginning of many lukeisms to come

a new chapter has begun...that's probably a little more profound than it needs to be. lets just say i've started a new blog and the background of it is written in the first entry over there. so, if you want to be in the know with all the cool kids, you'll have to go check it out. i did that on purpose you see. every once in a while i'll do something really smart, or at least semi-thought provoked. anyway, i won't waste this precious, lukeless blog writing time by just informing about the other site. i'll leave you with your very first luke-ism. this happened the other day and if i don't write it down now, i'll forget and that would be unfortunate for all parties involved. aka luke, andy, and myself...

we were making our journey down the stairs in usual toddler slow motion in order to get to church at a reasonable hour/on time, when it seemed that luke needed a little more coaxing. for some strange reason i didn't go with, "there's a treat in the car" or "let's go see your friends." i guess i was inspired simply say, "come on luke, we've got to get to church" because the response i received was, "church??? alright!!" followed by a frantic run to the car and an impatient get me in the carseat or so help me dance. if that wasn't a 5000 mg shot in the arm of you're an awesome parent, i'm not sure what is.

thank you heidi...

thanks to you, my family is updated to include a sofi and a non-3 month old luke.

you don't have to be a superhero...

to have an arch nemesis

its time for another post...well, lets be honest, its been time for another post for like three weeks. not just any post, however. this entry is the product of an issue that has been worsening and growing for years now, especially since the birth of my wonderful, yet evil friend-the text. i will be bemoaning the negative effect that technology has had on my life. before cell phones, and facebook, and every channel available to me within the confines of my own home...i already struggled with keeping in touch with the people in my life. by keeping in touch with people, i'm not just talking about those that you met in college and try to send a birthday card to once a year. i'm talking about everyone, including a certain someone that happens to live like two apartments away from me. yes, its true...i haven't seen my friend mary yet and we've lived here for two months. ridiculous.

i've always struggled with telephones. ever since my brother always made me call and order the pizza when we were kids...its been a love/hate relationship ever since...more hate than love. yes, i do love being able to talk people that are far away and it is nice to be able to get a hold of someone close by without having to send a horse and buggy messenger over, but if there is any opportunity to not use the incredible invention that is the telephone, i will use it. enter the text. before this ingenious little piece of technology, i have to admit that i relied heavily on email. i know, i'm sorry, but i am one of those. if there was a way to send an email instead of call (or if there was a time to call that i knew i would be leaving a voicemail...) i would do it. i can say honestly that i never broke up with anyone with the helping hand of cyberspace. that might be because i've only had 3 boyfriends in my life, one of whom i'm married to and one i was dating when email was still only acquired via phone line. anyway, i digress--i am a text fan and the point of this needlessly wordy blog is to apologize to all of you that have been neglected by my lack of phone skills. to you, i am sorry, but i will continue to text you if you will have me...or let me as the case may be :)

ode to sofi

apparently i haven't posted very many pictures of my second child. you may have heard of her. her name is sofi, she's bald, about 2 feet tall, and probably the best thing that has happened to this planet. i have only myself to blame...well, and my mom, of course, for making me take a trip and neglect my internet duties. anyway, sorry folks, but here she is in all her smiling glory.

just in case you didn't overdose from the overwhelming amount of cuteness in the previous video and you're still sitting upright, here are some more snippets into the short, yet up until this point, undocumented life of sofi lyn

next stop county lockup? and other funny moments

luke walked into the kitchen this morning and said, "cookie, please." i, of course, being a good, responsible parent said, "not until after lunch buddy." so, he decided to give up and go out on the porch to relax...or not

the other day, we went for a walk and i guess we tuckered sofi right out because i left her in the swing, carrier and all while i put luke to bed. this is what i came back to. don't worry, i put her in her bed after i took advantage of the photo op.

more fun with unconscious babies...

what a good helper...life's too short to stop with just mixing and pouring

omsi, dozer days, the rose festival, and the consequences of family outings during naptime

it is easily derived from the title that this is going to be a rather longish post. if you need to begin now and take a break for lunch or a snack or a nap...no worries, i've been there, in fact, i'd probably need a couple snacks and maybe a steak. anywho, its kinda funny how one can feel like they haven't done anything and then they write a blog and realize that they've actually been pretty busy. of course, in this instance "one" and "they" refers to me and my apparent full month of may. for the sake of saving time, there won't be a great deal of witty banter, but instead just a load of pure, unadulterated luke and sofi...not so much sofi unfortunately. apparently, it hasn't set in that i'm supposed to take pictures of two kids instead of just the older, screaming, i mean, precious...one :)

omsi...aka a fun-filled day or couple hours, thanks to the toddler attention span or lack thereof...aka good thing there was this exhibit with the effect air has on balls because i couldn't pry the kid away

dozer days...aka a day where little tikes such as luke are invited to climb all over tractors and back hoes and their drivers...aka a meltdown in said back hoe after waiting in a line for 45 minutes to go for a ride...

isn't it interesting how much we force our kids to do something we just "know" they'll like...maybe we should do the easier thing and let them play in the free dirt while eating cheese and sand. what? let them do what they want to do? that's just crazy

rose festival...aka good times on the waterfront...aka luke was tired and hungry so that's why there are only pictures of him on the rides where he was happy and not being threatened of being sold to the gypsies

my awesome picture of sofi...or its kinda far away and barely a profile. um...more to come? yeah, i'll leave it that

aah the quintessential carnival ride. you might want to bookmark this entry as this might be the only picture i've actually posted of myself

clarification

so, for those of you american idol fans...okay, so all of you--it seems as though i need to clarify something for you. when i wrote that adam winning was a silver lining in my day of crap it was followed by, "oh wait, that sucks too."

i did not want adam aka i wear too much make-up for a man or a woman to win. i was a kris fan from the beginning and if danny couldn't win then i'm glad it was him.

the joy of glee

i'm currently addicted to this:

my most recent day from hades

so, its been a day...and not one of those incredible ones where the sun is shining all around and you hear birds chirping while flowers are sprouting up around your ankles.

no, instead it was one of those child vomiting profusely in her carseat to the point of saturation/not having a spare outfit and you're in seattle so she has to make the trip home in the buff/older child running around winco while trying to keep the other one quiet due to the lack of binky/finally getting to the cash register and realizing you've forgotten your wallet, but you do have a checkbook (which never happens) only to get your last shred of hope dashed because they don't accept checks without a form of id, but you do have a random debit card that you think for a second you could run as credit only to find out that they don't take credit either/arguing with your husband about something totally idiotic that drives to cry your hormones out in the car ride from the store without your groceries that the manager had to store in the "cooler" until you can make the trek back/finally getting baby to sleep because not only one but all four binkies are MIA/while you're writing this incredibly sad yet semi-hard to read sob story, your child proceeds to rub, or smear rather, a confiscated piece of pizza into the carpet that you've worked so hard on keeping the color it came to you in since this has been an issue on more that one occasion in more that one apartment.

younger and older child in bed. head pounding slowing. pizza sauce expunged with 409 because its the only cleaner in said apartment (whole other story). spoke too soon...baby waking up thanks to the back up binky just not hitting the spot. oh well, at least adam's a shoe-in for american idol--oh wait, that totally sucks too. dangit

the early morning blues

so i had a whole blog written out in my head last night as i laid in my bed wide awake at 3:30 am. i contemplated going out to the front room to make sure i got it written down for posterity, but alas, we didn't have internet until 10:00 and in my early morning stupor, i didn't realize that i could just save it in a word document and post it later. moral of the story is, i can't remember it now. why was i wide awake at 3:30 you ask? no, luke was not up (for the love...), sofi had just got done eating, and i had gone to bed at 9:30. yes, its possible that i'm 90. andy was on his deathbed yet again yesterday, so he had been asleep for circa 6 hours by the time i finally gave in to the migraine that had conquered my once blissful cranium. he woke up and i laid down and squeezed (or squoze for my utah-ese speakers) my eyes shut, willing them to tell the rest of my body to give up too. well, i guess it did because by 3:00 i was apparently done sleeping. don't worry, i managed to convince my brain to stop firing after awhile and woke up at 6:45 when luke did.

ps are there enough time references in this post? maybe i should add another one just so the point definitly gets across. its 4:59 right now and i'm enjoying a rare but, nontheless amazing daddy/son outing. i'm enjoying their outing because they are both out :) not that i don't love the men in my life, but ladies you feel me, right?

stay tuned next week (or sooner if i'm on the ball) for an installment including the ever-awesome, most recent move experience and our trip to dozer day (spoiler--we waited in line for a digger for upwards of 45 minutes and just before luke got to go drive it, he melted down and cried through the whole ride to the point where the big, burly construction man lifted his hands in dismay)...is my life always going to be this predictable???

superman shirt: 15 dollars (its the gap, what do you do?), shorts from target: free (they were a gift from my good buddies, the gray sisters), luke lying on the floor to eat a chunk of beef jerky: priceless.

warning: not your average, witty post...read at your own risk

i'm feeling a little bit reflective as i've watched the clock move slowly, but surely from 4:00 am to 5:30. my "lovely" son decided to grace me with his presence at that unsightly hour and his little sister didn't wait too long to follow suit. she luckily knows how to go back to sleep while the sun does, but the former seems to think that darkness equals daytime. we're working on that...aka he's back in the crib when we eventually get to the aparment at a time yet to be determined this week.
as i sit here, trying not to eat to pass the time, i ponder on how i'm struggling a little with, well, sleep deprivation, let's be honest...but more heavily on my mind and not so broad shoulders is the outlook of this summer and the business that, for the first time, has a hazy outlook. with the exit of the person that has been with andy pretty much since he forayed into the world of satellite sales and installation 5 years ago, i'm left with a sense of insecurity with a dash of foreboding. i'm not doubting my husband's abilities or the fact that this is where we need to be at this time, but i was really surprised at the nervousness that has creeped into the forefront of my mind. was i wrapped up in a fuzzy security blanket of someone else's experience knowing that we had a united front against the thousands of doors that are so easily closed before they are opened? or is it merely the stress that i can literally see resting not so lightly on my eternal companion's heart and mind?

i know that heavenly father has a plan, but i can't help but to, every once in a while, wonder why the plan that was already in motion had to change. i hope this isn't coming across as my personal version of the apocalypse. we're really doing well with little miracles happening all the time.

i guess change is just sometimes that unwanted backseat driver that accompanies all of us along life's short, rocky journey. its not above sharing its opinion on where we should turn or how fast we should go, making sure to inform us that we were wrong in making certain decisions. being wrong sometimes, however, means that at other times, we're right. either way, we're always moving forward and with each turn in the road, comes a new experience and usually a happiness that we didn't expect or anticipate. i know that bend in the road is approaching and when it does, i'll know why "the plan" veered off its seemingly comfortable course. until then, i appreciate this opportunity i've had to share my thoughts even if they were just brought by my good buddy, sleep deprivation.