Friday, August 28, 2009

a sad, sad tale

so, i've been out of town for what feels like longer than i actually was. i was able to go to the glorious (i needed an adjective) state of michigan to visit my brother and his family for a week. i also went up to seattle for an impromptu visit (and subsequent sleepover) with some friends as well as a quick trip (and subsquent sleepover) down to the oregon coast to visit some other friends. all together, the trips didn't consist of a lot of days, just a lot of driving and surprise overnighters, which meant not a lot of preparation...anyway, its been quite an august, which one would think would include several pictures documenting each and every exciting change of scenery. yeah, so i either didn't have my camera (surprise, surprise) or it was dead (even more surprise). needless to say, the only picture i came away from all my escaping from the reality i live with day after day is this out of focus, fuzzy, picture OF a picture that luke took of himself at chuck e cheese in lansing, michigan. lets all say it together-"ridiculous." moral of the story-when you finally get to do something fun and exciting, make sure and have a charged camera around your neck or somewhere closer than your car, so that everyone else will believe you and you will be able to remember it 20 years down the road.

for those of you that have glanced over at my attempt at a new blog, don't worry, i know there aren't many of you...yes, i am starting over. i've decided i need to wait until i have a real camera that doesn't require two double-a batteries to live and function. to be continued...

Friday, August 7, 2009

inspiration and the panic thereof

tagline: Do you have what it takes?
i saw the surprisingly hilarious movie, "julie & julia" today and it not so gently forced me to remember/be overwhelmed by the real reason i decided to slip my foot into the overcrowded pool known as the blogging world or "blogosphere" for those who speak internet. its no surprise to those that really know me that i have a few, shall we say, issues...alright, they're downright complexes if i'm being honest (which i am, by the way). my self-esteem is definitly not where it should be as i stand on the cliff overlooking the crevace of my 30's. self-doubt and fear of failure have been my unwelcome companions since i turned 15 and my body decided to go from stick figure to queen latifah over a not so forgettable summer spent in a trailer in my aunt's backyard. too much information? moving on...lets just say, i've always felt like a needed i talent that could be outwardly weighed against other peoples' talents instead of just "being a good friend" as my mom used to tell me in order to make me feel better. it never really worked. i needed to be a volleyball star like the rest of my athletic, taller friends. i needed to be a better singer, like the ones that actually got the leading roles in the musicals that i watched from backstage. i wanted to be a dancer, a gymnast, an actor that actually got to be on stage for more than 5 minutes at a time as a townsperson...blah blah understand. the point in all this is that i think i've discovered a talent, but i'm too afraid to do anything about it. i think i'm a writer and that's why i started the blog.
after giving birth to luke, i struggled a little bit with the post-partum blues as they are so interestingly called. i was pretty depressed. i didn't leave my house and i didn't spend a lot of my free-time doing much other than sleeping and berating myself for not doing anything with said free-time. i'm not looking for any sympathy here or anything, just giving some backstory. i finally decided that i just was not going to scrapbook. its not me. i'm not organized or really creative...i've come to grips with it. i tried knitting with the little contraption from joanne's that a 3 year old can function. that lasted for a month or so. i had heard of blogging and had already decided that no one would want to read an online journal. why would people care if luke threw up that day or if i actually ran an errand or cooked a meal? then again, writing was the one skill that i knew i had even if it was buried somewhere deep inside, so i went ahead and began with the full intent of not sounding like the lame housewife that i felt like, but more the funny writer that i knew was brimming under the surface. upon returning home from the movie (a couple days ago now) i realized that my blog has started to become exactly what i didn't intend. i've moved from witty daily banter meant to spawn an idea for a book to travel log that is definitly not updated as much as i'd like.
all that being said, i have a new goal, which, in turn scares the heck out of me. i need to move forward, full speed ahead, without letting the outcome overwhelm me before i get there. how is it you eat an elephant again?
by the end of this, my 30th year, wow, that's crazy...i need to have a specific direction for this blog or the beginning of a children's book down on paper. whew, i guess that's it then. i will find out of i really have what it takes without being too scared to even start. good luck to me...i think i'm gonna need it.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

a new blog and the beginning of many lukeisms to come

a new chapter has begun...that's probably a little more profound than it needs to be. lets just say i've started a new blog and the background of it is written in the first entry over there. so, if you want to be in the know with all the cool kids, you'll have to go check it out. i did that on purpose you see. every once in a while i'll do something really smart, or at least semi-thought provoked. anyway, i won't waste this precious, lukeless blog writing time by just informing about the other site. i'll leave you with your very first luke-ism. this happened the other day and if i don't write it down now, i'll forget and that would be unfortunate for all parties involved. aka luke, andy, and myself...

we were making our journey down the stairs in usual toddler slow motion in order to get to church at a reasonable hour/on time, when it seemed that luke needed a little more coaxing. for some strange reason i didn't go with, "there's a treat in the car" or "let's go see your friends." i guess i was inspired simply say, "come on luke, we've got to get to church" because the response i received was, "church??? alright!!" followed by a frantic run to the car and an impatient get me in the carseat or so help me dance. if that wasn't a 5000 mg shot in the arm of you're an awesome parent, i'm not sure what is.