discouraged:

to deprive of courage, hope, or confidence; dishearten; dispirit.

 mama said there'd be days like this, right?  ha! now you're all singing the song in your heads.  my work here is done.  kidding...anyway, the last couple of days have not been on my list of top 5 "i'm so glad i woke up this morning" days.  the rain isn't exactly awesome, but a few other factore have contributed as well.  lets just say that i have a tiny flair for the dramatic and when i decided to let you all in on the slow but steady writing process that i've immersed myself in, i imagined an overwhelming response of adulation and encouragement.  comment after comment of atta-boys and way to go's etc...i waited...and waited.  my sweet husband let me know that maybe everyone is just busy and the post was a little long after all  yadi yadi yada.  yeah, in my current state, lets just say i didn't really take his word for it. 

i became discouraged.  enter my longtime friend: self-doubt.  which, of course, in turn, led me to question my ability as a mother, as a wife, as a writer.  i've struggled and questioned and possibly cried, but now, as i sit here in the wee hours of the morning (thanks to a nightmare brought on by a missing train...not mine...this time) i can really reflect on how truly blessed i am and recognize that its not outside praise that i need.  i may want it, but i can't expect things outside of my control to go my way.  so, in a nutshell--for now, i'm going to keep things a little simpler.  i'll try and be witty (its a stretch i know), and put up pictures of my little dudes, and not expect you all to be my guinea pigs.  kapiche?  no, i'm not itallian, but it always sounded good when uncle jesse said it on full house.

when did dr. phil inhabit my body?  enough with the pity party.  thanks for reading.  it really does make me happy...and happiness beats discouragement anyday.

ps thank you heidi and adam for what you DID say.  it meant a lot and didn't go unnoticed.  i'm not a complete prima donna :)  gracias