in my next 30 years...

for those of you that listen to the wonder that is country music, you will recognize this title as a plagerized version of a tim mcgraw song. i've once again been racking my brain to figure out something to write and on this, the day following the 30th anniversary of my birth, i decided i needed to reflect on what i've accomplished and who i've become since that fateful blustery german day back in 1979.
as i've stated before, my self-esteem has not always been up to par. i went through several years with the idea that number of "best friends" you have or how many birthday wishes you receive is proof of your worth as a person. even this blog, the one that was meant to merely be a hobby that could give me a small respite from the post-partum depression that took up most of my time after my first was born, turned into an obsession over how many comments i could receive. the more there were, the more people liked me...wah wah wah...anyway, this has all been said before. what i'm trying to say now is that i'm in the middle of turning over a new leaf. this "leaf" isn't turning over as quickly as i'd like or as quickly as you might think a leaf might turn.
the logical side of me is in a constant battle with the emotional, irrational one. the argument goes something like this,

logic: "it doesn't matter what other people think. your family loves you, everyone is healthy.
god created you the way you are for a reason and you have changed peoples' lives for
the better..."
emotion: "(mischevious laughter)...whatever, you suck, and so does all that crap you just said. "

good times, right? not so much, which is why i've decided that its about time for the logical side to win out once and for all. i know far too much about why i'm here and where i'm going to get sidetracked by an overactive case of pms.
another casualty of my previous life has been the serious lack of pictures, both in this blog and in real life. both problems will be remedied in the 30 years that lie in front of me. in fact, i do have some recent photos to post soon, including a little gem that involves me holding a bouquet of roses sent so lovingly by my husband while he was away on my birthday. thanks to all of you for your influence on my life and for reading this, my first attempt at writing.