i'm feeling a little bit reflective as i've watched the clock move slowly, but surely from 4:00 am to 5:30. my "lovely" son decided to grace me with his presence at that unsightly hour and his little sister didn't wait too long to follow suit. she luckily knows how to go back to sleep while the sun does, but the former seems to think that darkness equals daytime. we're working on that...aka he's back in the crib when we eventually get to the aparment at a time yet to be determined this week.
as i sit here, trying not to eat to pass the time, i ponder on how i'm struggling a little with, well, sleep deprivation, let's be honest...but more heavily on my mind and not so broad shoulders is the outlook of this summer and the business that, for the first time, has a hazy outlook. with the exit of the person that has been with andy pretty much since he forayed into the world of satellite sales and installation 5 years ago, i'm left with a sense of insecurity with a dash of foreboding. i'm not doubting my husband's abilities or the fact that this is where we need to be at this time, but i was really surprised at the nervousness that has creeped into the forefront of my mind. was i wrapped up in a fuzzy security blanket of someone else's experience knowing that we had a united front against the thousands of doors that are so easily closed before they are opened? or is it merely the stress that i can literally see resting not so lightly on my eternal companion's heart and mind?
i know that heavenly father has a plan, but i can't help but to, every once in a while, wonder why the plan that was already in motion had to change. i hope this isn't coming across as my personal version of the apocalypse. we're really doing well with little miracles happening all the time.
i guess change is just sometimes that unwanted backseat driver that accompanies all of us along life's short, rocky journey. its not above sharing its opinion on where we should turn or how fast we should go, making sure to inform us that we were wrong in making certain decisions. being wrong sometimes, however, means that at other times, we're right. either way, we're always moving forward and with each turn in the road, comes a new experience and usually a happiness that we didn't expect or anticipate. i know that bend in the road is approaching and when it does, i'll know why "the plan" veered off its seemingly comfortable course. until then, i appreciate this opportunity i've had to share my thoughts even if they were just brought by my good buddy, sleep deprivation.