Tuesday, September 15, 2009

in my next 30 years...

for those of you that listen to the wonder that is country music, you will recognize this title as a plagerized version of a tim mcgraw song. i've once again been racking my brain to figure out something to write and on this, the day following the 30th anniversary of my birth, i decided i needed to reflect on what i've accomplished and who i've become since that fateful blustery german day back in 1979.
as i've stated before, my self-esteem has not always been up to par. i went through several years with the idea that number of "best friends" you have or how many birthday wishes you receive is proof of your worth as a person. even this blog, the one that was meant to merely be a hobby that could give me a small respite from the post-partum depression that took up most of my time after my first was born, turned into an obsession over how many comments i could receive. the more there were, the more people liked me...wah wah wah...anyway, this has all been said before. what i'm trying to say now is that i'm in the middle of turning over a new leaf. this "leaf" isn't turning over as quickly as i'd like or as quickly as you might think a leaf might turn.
the logical side of me is in a constant battle with the emotional, irrational one. the argument goes something like this,

logic: "it doesn't matter what other people think. your family loves you, everyone is healthy.
god created you the way you are for a reason and you have changed peoples' lives for
the better..."
emotion: "(mischevious laughter)...whatever, you suck, and so does all that crap you just said. "

good times, right? not so much, which is why i've decided that its about time for the logical side to win out once and for all. i know far too much about why i'm here and where i'm going to get sidetracked by an overactive case of pms.
another casualty of my previous life has been the serious lack of pictures, both in this blog and in real life. both problems will be remedied in the 30 years that lie in front of me. in fact, i do have some recent photos to post soon, including a little gem that involves me holding a bouquet of roses sent so lovingly by my husband while he was away on my birthday. thanks to all of you for your influence on my life and for reading this, my first attempt at writing.

11 comments:

Young Family said...

I understand your feelings completely.

I hope you had a good birthday!

Crystal said...

Happy belated birthday!! I turned 30 just a few days earlier. Hope your "Next 30 Years" brings you all you have wished and worked for and more. I know that sounds like a greeting card sentiment, but I mean it. Several people have told me that they felt empowered at 30. I hope you do too.

Kristi said...

Anytime you need someone to throw some compliments your way, just let me know. :-) Also, if you ever need to feel better about your housekeeping skills, just pop on over to my house when I'm not expecting it and you'll see that you're awesome and I suck. At least I have my recipe cards to fall back on!

McCain Family said...

I like you a lot and I want you to come be my neighbor. Make it happen.

Happy Birthday, Cutie! I really hope you enjoyed it.

Love ya lots!

Trista Teeter said...

I'll feed into your emotional side and leave a comment. Bwah ah ah. :P

Naw, just wanted to say YAY for pictures! :) Even if you think they will never come off of your camera or hard drive, TAKE THEM!! I GUARANTEE you will never remember those moments in their fullness, and it's amazing what a photograph can capture not only visually but emotionally as well. Russ and I were just looking at Brooklyn's pictures from about 1 1/2 years ago and were both in tears at the strong memories that they envoked and made us realize how precious each moment is. And that are kids aren't terrorizing us just to terrorize, it's because they love us and want every ounce of our attention.

...okay, I think I've got my point across, lol. Cameras are a parent's best friend. :P

Ashley and Aaron said...

Happy Birthday to a great gal! I also do not take enough pictures. I think Aaron and I have like, 5 pictures of us, and probably one that I actually like.

jen said...

Happy Birthday!!! Sorry I missed it pal but I will make it up to you on thursday.

We are the Zitzmans said...

I love you Miss Tara. I think you are awesome so just remember that. I think you are super accomplished and super beautiful and super...okay will I think you are SUPER! Super Tara! Sorry I had to. Maybe we need to make you a cape so that you can do your daily chores wearing one remembering that you are pretty much a superhero every day.

Mindy and Benjamin said...

ooh, i wish i had been first to post just to prove how much i love you! and you know i do. and i can't wait to see those pictures. i miss ya.

adamf said...

Oh dang I only have 2 years left before I'll be writing this post... gather ye rosebuds while ye may! We're food for worms!

I love you Tara and I probably shouldn't say this out loud but you kick a** at relationships. You and Andy are some of my favorite people in the world. That is saying a lot considering we just met a few years ago. :)

Eva's Attic said...

I just have to say that I love you to pieces Tara. And I am so sorry that I didn't call you on your birthday, but you already knew that. I did want to write you and tell you (because we both know we are terrible communicators) that you are such an amazing person. I don't know where I would be without you as one of my best friends. Both you and Andy have been so generous to my family, and I just want you to know how grateful we are to you. I was talking to Brian the other night after I saw you, about how great of a friend you are. If you ever fell doen on your self, just remember that you are an amazing friend...I love you so much big T.
Happy (late) Birthday again.
love ya!
Camille